If Life Feels More Difficult Than It Should, You Might Be Focusing On the Wrong Goal

When I first wrote about my ridiculously long ride home from dropping off my daughter, I had no idea it was going to turn into a coaching metaphor for how to change behavior, habits or old outdated beliefs. 

And there’s a lot I want to unpack around that because leading from intuition is very different from leading by strategy. So hang with me folks because we’ll get into that one day. 

But, right now I want to focus. Because there’s another element we need to consider. 

Last Friday, I went back and forth to the school so I could start each band period giving out prizes to the kids who sold the most poinsettias for our Christmas fundraiser. (We exceeded our goals by the way! Whoop! Whoop!)

And, guess what? After the first period I practiced consciousness and took the back road home - avoiding traffic and making the trip in 5 minutes. Success!

But after the second period, I wanted a coffee and in order to get to the Starbucks, I’d have to take the route by the elementary school. I figured I had an hour before the next class change so even if I got stuck in some traffic, I would make it back in time. 

But guess what? 

No traffic. No crossing guards. No school buses. I was in and out of that Starbucks with a piping hot skinny grande peppermint mocha in no time.  

And it occurred to me - timing is everything. Situational awareness is everything. How well you can discern these nuances is crucial. 

The truth is, the route is only terrible when I’m competing with 20 million other people to get their kids to and from school. But at 10:35 am on a Friday morning, everyone is either at work or back home, and the roads are clear. 

You see, I’ve been thinking my goal is to change my default so that I automatically take the back road home. But that’s not the right goal. 

The goal is to be better at discerning when to take the back roads and when not to. The truth is, when there is no traffic, the back road is the longer route.

So I’ve been focused on the wrong goal. 

How many times have you inadvertently focused on the wrong goal?  To answer this question, ask yourself, how many times have you gotten what you thought you wanted only to realize you are still aren’t feeling it? 

How many times is what you really want subtle and nuanced instead of black and white? 

This is where I can really help. 

As a coach, I can ask questions to help you quickly get to what your REAL goal is. And then once you accurately define it, we can work together to navigate the process of change. 

Wanna talk? Schedule a free consultation, or book a coaching session.